This may, in fact work to drag me out of my depression.  Focusing on concrete steps that (at least sort of) pull me out of my self-involvement.  Review the next day to check progress.  Being a little accountable.  For today, for Self, I will drive out to Planet Bead and spend the gift certificate that Daniel gave me.  For family, I will wade through the VA form for Mom.  Community is a little harder, but I can call Zella to thank her for the birthday card.  Global, when I watch a news story today, I will choose a topic and research it further.  I think meditation and prayer is again how I best connect with God.  Let's give it a try, at least.

 So what am I going to do with my wretched self?  I am not happy with my physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual self.  Better I should do a little self improvement.  Need to come up with a plan.  Maybe even a daily plan?  I am not disciplined.  This could last a day, a week, who knows?  If I build in some accountability, even for myself, perhaps I can keep going for a month, even for a year. Today, I will try to work this for this day, improving myself in the following:

Physical: Emotional: Intellectual: Spiritual: Social


In the following areas:


For Self --  Get out of the house for at least 30 minutes
                   vacuum bedroom

For Family -- talk D into playing cards

For Community -- prepare  e-mail to let M and K know I will not be home in time to teach on Sunday

Global -- watch MSNBC as well as my regular shows to become a little more knowledgeable on National/Global issues.

God -- read a meditation
            pray

Milestones

So this was a big milestone week for me -- 64 years old this week. "Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty-four."  It is natural, I think, to take stock of one's life on milestone birthdays.  I am a little depressed when I take stock.  You would think that 64 years would be enough time to get your life together, wouldn't you?  And here I am a physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual wreck, spending entirely too much time in front of a computer, book, or television (occasionally all three.)  I believe I am in crisis.    I mean ther( are virtually none of the 7 deadly sins that are unknown to me.  I am most intimately familiar with Gluttony and Sloth, but I certainly have more than a passing acquaintance with Pride and Wrath.


So what does that mean?  I really am not sure.  I really want to believe that I can turn this around.  I would like to think I can get my eating under control; I would like to think I can become more active; I would so like to be able to control my irrational rage (and subsequent guilt); I want to become closer to God.  Actually, mostly I want to become closer to God.  I could stand to be fat for the rest of my life, if only I felt God approved of me.